Stuck at home!

Right now, I'm 'stuck' at home. Imagine is the holiday and you are at home trying to figure what to do and you turn down your best friend offer to meet for breakfast and catch up. Dumb me. That's explain why I'm sitting in front my laptop and whining about it. I'm starting to feel the loser side of me again, seeing people with so many commitments in poly and knowing more people, then I look at me, I'm with no CCA and ain't mixing with new people and needless to say going out with my poly friends. Sound like loser? I guess so. Sometimes I really don't even know what my mind is trying to direct me. That's explain why I'm always whining not able to meet new people and perhaps know a nice guy. My social circle is so darn dead, so like a graveyard. I felt like I'm missing out so many things in these world. I've always wanted to travel, always to do something to help the poor, always wanted to be inspirational, and the list goes on. Somehow it's just seem get me down further. I felt that everyone is moving ahead while I'm still on square one with no one by my side. Sometimes I really hate myself for not being more determined and stuffs. Sometimes I wish I was you, him or her. On the other hand, I'm very grateful that I've got what I've got. Human beings are demanding and greedy, I guess, not easily content with what they have and always wanted more. To be honest, I don't like the me I'm now. I feel like a f**king dumb nerd who lives in her own world. It's always school home school. It's so sickening of me which I truly know about. I felt so left out at the point everyone I know seem to move on to a better place and I'm ditched far back. As much as I like the way things are now, I can't help but feed my insecurities. As much as I want to fit into, I felt more left out. I know I've got a great bunch of darlings and besties that's with me and even though we hardly meet, we put one another in our hearts. Loved and take care.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm good at, then I realised I'm good at nothing.